This is my goodbye letter to you; fair drug of my fondest infatuations. I’ve broken free from the stoic readings of my philosophy texts and the attitude of avoidance to abscond out here to this mid-December backporch and type up some fond farewells. Firstly, i will mourn the loss of endless nighttime strolls to the accompanyment of noise-cancelling headphones that we often took together. Two am to four am was our time to shine under streetlights and lowhanging oak trees as we dodged private security vans and dipped behind mailboxes to stay out of sight. In the summer months these soul-walks were exhausting, thanks to the ever present humidity and godless heat that extended all through the midnight hours. When the fall months hit and the pretext to don coats arrived, our soul-walks were things of glorious conquest. We saw what others never saw, because there were never any others to offend our sense of the world. It was a suspended paradise strapped to an hourglass constantly ticking away in the backs of our heads. And without you, sweet drug, these brazen journeys down unknown city streets will undoubtably come to a close, until some new fixation comes to pass that once again releases into the 4:30 a.m. world.
And secondly, i will mourn the blind hunger for knowledge and progress that existed only within your enchantment. We would tear through the university like animals on the hunt, dissecting every new prospect and paradigm set before us, consuming and regurgetating back in a thousand different ways. We were an omnivorous creature, and a thing of intelligence and beauty, and our enlightenment undercarried each movement we made. Always concerned with advancing and improving and expanding our methods of living this life to it’ fullest potential. You drugs made it possible, by removing the barriers of preoccupation and silencing all desires save the desire to consume, digest, and reconstruct endlessly.
And lasting, i will miss the intolerable effect you’ve had on my psyche, for stretching it mercilessly to the ends of it’s ropes. Manipulating and demanding night and day that my mind be a subject of study and experiment. Oh, it was some good goddamn fun, joined in by the apparations of gods, angels, demons, doubles, undersouls and outersouls, otherness and duality. A heathen and savior caught up in the strata like all the else. This madness, this insatiable sense of wonderfulness and invulnerability, is a state like no other, for it lasts shorter and longer than any other. And with that, my drug and illness, i bid you the fondest farewell, and wish you to always keep your distance.
